Shiva Preparation Checklist

Immediately After the Funeral

These are typically handled by the funeral home or close family in the first hours after the burial.

• Confirm shiva dates and times with the family (traditionally 7 days, many sit 3)
• Decide on the shiva location (usually the home of the deceased or a close family member)
• Light the shiva candle — provided by the funeral home, burns for 7 days
• Cover mirrors in the shiva home (a Jewish mourning custom)
• Prepare the meal of condolence (seudat havra'ah) — traditionally eggs, bread, and lentils, brought by friends
• Set out low chairs or cushions for mourners (some funeral homes lend shiva chairs)

Setting Up the Shiva Home

Furniture & Layout

• Low seating for mourners (shiva chairs, cushions, or low stools)
• Arrange regular seating for visitors around the main gathering area
• Set up a table for food and drinks near the entrance or kitchen
• Clear coat closet or set up a coat rack for visitors
• Place a water pitcher and basin by the front door (for ritual hand-washing upon entry)

Memorial Display

• Set up photos of the deceased in a visible area
• Place the shiva candle in a safe, central location
• Set out the funeral program or order of service
• Optional: prepare a memory book or guestbook for visitors to write in
• Optional: set up a slideshow of photos on a tablet or laptop

Practical Setup

• Stock paper plates, cups, napkins, and plastic cutlery (less cleanup for the family)
• Set out garbage bags and recycling bins in accessible spots
• Stock toilet paper and hand soap in all bathrooms
• Leave the front door unlocked during visiting hours (visitors enter quietly without knocking)
• Post shiva hours on the front door and share digitally
• Ensure adequate parking or include directions for visitors

Food & Meals

The community traditionally brings food to the shiva home so the mourning family does not have to cook. A close friend or family member often coordinates meals.

• Designate a meal coordinator (a friend or family member, not the mourners)
• Set up a meal sign-up using Neshama's Shiva Meal Coordinator
• Communicate dietary needs (kosher, allergies, vegetarian) to the coordinator
• Stock basics: coffee, tea, water, juice, sugar, cream, disposable cups
• Keep snacks available between meals (crackers, fruit, cookies, nuts)
• Plan for both daytime and evening visitors — light refreshments are enough for evenings
• Designate fridge and counter space for incoming food deliveries
• Label all food with contents and date received

Notifying the Community

• Share the obituary link with family and friends
• Post shiva details in relevant WhatsApp groups, synagogue lists, or community boards
• Notify the synagogue — they may organize a minyan (prayer quorum) for the shiva home
• Share the shiva address, dates, and visiting hours clearly
• If the family prefers privacy, communicate visiting guidelines (e.g., "mornings for close family only")
• Set up an out-of-office reply for the mourner's email if needed
• Notify the mourner's workplace

Religious & Prayer Items

• Shiva candle (7-day memorial candle) — usually from the funeral home
• Siddurim (prayer books) — if a minyan will come for daily prayers
• Sefer Torah arrangement if daily services will be held at the home (ask your rabbi)
• Kippot (yarmulkes) for visitors who need them
• Tzedakah box (charity box) — mourners and visitors often make donations in memory of the deceased
• Confirm minyan schedule with the synagogue (morning and/or evening services)

During Shiva — Daily Rhythm

• Morning: prayer service (if minyan is arranged), then quiet time for family
• Afternoon: visiting hours — visitors come and go
• Evening: prayer service, then visitors
• Keep a light meal or snacks available throughout
• Encourage mourners to rest when they need to — it's okay to step away
• Restock disposables, drinks, and snacks daily
• Take out garbage and tidy common areas (a great task for a helper)
• Check in on the mourners — bring them water, remind them to eat

Shabbat During Shiva

Shiva pauses from Friday before sunset until Saturday after sunset. Mourners attend synagogue on Shabbat and public mourning customs are suspended.

• Shiva pauses Friday afternoon (about an hour before sunset)
• Cover the shiva candle but do not extinguish it
• Mourners may change into Shabbat clothes
• Mourners attend Shabbat services at the synagogue
• Prepare or arrange Shabbat meals in advance (Friday night dinner, Saturday lunch)
• Shiva resumes Saturday evening after sunset and Havdalah

After Shiva Ends

• Take a short walk outside together on the last day — a symbolic return to the world
• Send thank-you notes to those who brought food, visited, or helped coordinate
• Donate leftover food to a shelter or food bank if possible
• Return borrowed items (shiva chairs, prayer books, coat racks)
• Uncover mirrors
• Consider setting up a yahrzeit reminder so you're reminded of the anniversary each year
• Take care of yourself — grief doesn't end when shiva does

How Friends Can Help

If you're supporting a family through shiva, here are concrete ways to help.

• Bring food — coordinate through the meal sign-up page
• Offer to handle setup: chairs, food table, disposables, garbage
• Greet visitors at the door so the family doesn't have to
• Manage the kitchen: put away food, wash dishes, keep things tidy
• Drive mourners to and from the cemetery or synagogue
• Babysit children during visiting hours
• Walk the dog or care for pets
• Bring practical items: tissues, paper towels, plastic wrap, garbage bags
• Just be present — you don't need to say the right thing, just show up